Marriage became an official part of my vocabulary 10 years ago today. Don’t worry, I’ll save you from a sappy post. I don’t write those.
It was cold, raining and I was pissed because I knew this meant zero wedding photos in front of the Mellon Arena, former home of the Penguins. I “lost” the CD that had our 1st dance song on it and ran around the North Hills for hours only to find it available as a CD/DVD combo kit. Ends up the CD was in my soon-to-be wife’s car after she insisted it wasn’t. Topping things off was my best man’s hotel room was given away by the fine folks at the Holiday Inn after they screwed up his reservation.
The day turned out perfect, we had plenty of great photos of the marriage inside the church and the reception is still being talked about as one of the best parties most have attended. This was pre-SIDT days so while craft beer wasn’t on tap I was still friends with many in the alcohol business so we drank very well. I’ll never forgive U2 for scheduling a concert in Pittsburgh that night and further proof that Bono hates me. First reason? No idea but it’s probably good.
I want to think about what has happened since that day. People weren’t tethered to their smart phones. Wait, we didn’t have smart phones then. I still rocked a Sprint flip phone but it was the first to take photos! Social Media was online forums and MySpace. I was working at Marconi which would sell to Ericsson while I was on my honeymoon. Technology was about to take a huge leap and little did I know, I was going along for the ride.
After 10 years of marriage here are some things I learned.
- Family will get over the drama they caused during your wedding. Feel free to bring it back up when you need something but start early with “you were SO drunk at my wedding…” so they believe it, even if they weren’t.
- If there’s something you want to do (travel, music, festivals), do it now before you have kids. Once they get here your social calendar revolves around “Can we get a sitter?”
- Your first house will probably suck and that’s OK. It’s YOUR house and that’s what matters.
- Use your spouse/kids as a way to get out of doing something. Trust me, they’re already using you for the same reason.
- Stay weird. Don’t forget who you are.
- Get time away. I think it’s the helicopter parents in the generation before me who thought that you need to be together ALL OF THE TIME. Both of you deserve alone time. Take it.
- Compliment each other.
- The only people you need to worry about, live in your house. Stick to your beliefs and do what you think is right. At the end of the day your bat shit crazy friends ranting on the popular political or religious views will still talk to you. If not, screw’em. NEVER take marriage advice from public social networks. Ask a friend directly.
- Times will suck and that’s OK. Facebook is full of lies and it’s easy to see. You’re having a rough patch and you’re slammed by that friend who posts “In love with my hubby! LOVE LOVE LOVE!” “With my love!” to the point you want to puke – they’re actually miserable. No one is happy all the time.
- “Everything else is Jello” – Life will kick you in the groin multiple times and then pour on a little more when you think you’re at your worst. Don’t worry, it’s just Jello.
Peace. Love. Beer. Ashley Judd.