5 years since dad said goodbye
I’ve wondered how I was going to handle today. On this day back in 2006 my father had a massive heart attack while snowblowing for 3.5 hours. Why so long? Well it was Erie and he wanted to make sure the elderly people and mailman would be able to get through.
My brother and I drove up the night of the 5th and honestly expected to see him bitching to get out of the bed because he had work to do at home. It was a running joke that we couldn’t visit Erie without someone making a trip to St Vincent ER. However on this night, we wouldn’t be leaving. We walked up to the 3rd floor and walked in stunned as we saw him hooked up to machines which doctors said were keeping him alive. The strongest man I have ever known was now gone and we knew it, we just didn’t want to accept it. The doctors kept him on support until the morning when my mother, brother and I told them to turn the machines off. I was the last one to hold his hand and within seconds he had flat lined.
I’ll never forget that moment when my life changed and I can still feel his hand in mine.
A lot has happened in the 5 years since he’s passed and I’d give anything for him to have been around just a bit longer to see one of them. I’ve had 2 beautiful sons, bought a house, lost a job and gained a new career plus I know he’d be damn proud of what I’ve done with SIDT (dad was a closet audio junkie). I get angry at times because he’s not here to enjoy being a grandfather to my boys as he was to my brother’s kids (you KNOW he’d be best friends with Teaspoon) but if he did pull through that heart attack he wouldn’t have been the same person.
There is so much I still had to learn from him and now I don’t have that chance. What we’ve gone through with the preemie births of both sons and the layoff were intense and I didn’t have him to lean back on. Stupid little things too like house repairs or car problems go unanswered. Its the void of not having a father around that has made this part of my life difficult.
Dad and I had a project we started and I’m determined to finish – his family tree. He knew stories about relatives but nothing solid and growing up I knew very little about his family. We never got to finish this while he was alive but recently I’ve made a vow to finish it as very rare documentation has surfaced. How this incredibly cool story goes though is for another post but if you’re into genealogy and can offer tips let me know!
As I type this I look in on my sons watching morning cartoons while the smell of bacon is in the mmmmmm bacon… just a sec. *ahhhh* in the air, the way him and I would start our Sunday mornings.
He was a great man who was always looking out for others first and this veteran spent 20 years working for the state making sure the people of Erie could find work. At the funeral home there was almost a 2 hour wait just to pay their respects. He was the head usher at his church my entire life and there wasn’t a parish festival where you couldn’t hear his voice bellowing up and down Buffalo Rd. When he passed things got a lot quieter.
Dad was an American flag addict. In his military photos he always had a flag with him and every holiday mini flags would adorn his yard. As a sign of final respect for him my wife and I got up early the morning of his funeral and in 2ft of snow put 50 of his flags in the yard. The funeral procession passed in front of and stopped at the house. As if staged the wind kicked up and all flags started blowing in sync as if it was their final salute.
I miss you dad and I think you’d be proud of how things have turned out.
Here is a video tribute that the funeral home made. Enjoy the pics of me as a kid. What were they thinking dressing me like that?
